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THE BITIN' SOW
ZOLA TELLS IT LIKE IT IS!

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Brock Gets Lucky!

The following account of the Sow History is true. Young children should not read this.

It was the early 80"s, the golden days when Stebs fielded three softball
teams. The men's teams were well established but the mixed team was
struggling. John Robby, the highly regarded third baseman, was
coaching the mixed team along with Black Santa AKA Dave Kufflekeffler.
Together they hatched a scheme to recruit women players while at the
same time creating a gene pool for future teams. The scam went something
like this...women were offered a spot on the mixed team on the condition
they'd have sex with men from the various Stebs teams. I was confused
when John approached me to play on the mixed team. I had always been a
loyal fan but was uncertain of my worthiness to play on the team and
propagate future players. After much personal reflection and hours of
girl talk with my dear friend Andrea, it was decided I should pray to
St. Ebs for guidance. In a hallucination, I mean vision, during a Ziploc
set at Stebs, all was revealed to me. John and I were married that
summer and immediately began the work St. Ebs had blessed. One season
playing right field and the next five giving birth to future sows was
rewarding but tiring. The dream turned in to a nightmare when our
children learned of the plan for a master race of Sows. Not only did
they reject softball, they left the Sacred Church of St. Ebs. The oldest
is spinning records at Tony's Disco, the second and third (twins) were
adopted by the Wayans family and are currently working the Hollywood
scene, the fourth was last seen sitting next to Bill Gates during the
Microsoft hearings, and the youngest is a mime in Central Park. John and
I split up. He went on to find true love in his soul mate, Corrine, and
I went underground to lick my wounds. Neither of us could give up the
dream of a Sows Championship so we carry on our separate work, John as
third base coach and yours truly as a loyal fan. There are hushed rumors
circulating that the Front Office is again considering some type of
propagation of the species and that Kelly has offered himself to begin
this brave experiment. You go sows!

By Zola Upgate