EDITOR'S NOTE: o. campbellson was recently subject to a house arrest, and substantial fine from the International Tribunal, and coincidentally, the International House of Pancakes, due to an outstanding bill of 35 cents.
Although reliable information has been difficult to obtain we in the front office received the following Weekly Update postmarked from Lima, Peru. Our crack staff of editors and team psychotherapists have worked diligently for over thirty minutes (with a union approved coffee break) trying to piece together this rambling diatribe in an effort to help keep you, the buying public, informed of the team's progress. What you are about to read is an excerpt from that very letter. Please, by all means, understand the
opinions and views about to be expressed are not even close, we mean, like miles away man, from being anything we believe, or hold true. Also, we believe these writings to be so volatile, morally bankrupt, and anxiously wrathful, we are pleading with you, on our knees, mind you, not to let your family dog read this; it'll just kill him. Now, the cat-- well, that's another matter. Also, make note at this time, that the front office of this ball club cannot condone nor support the actions taken by the coach, any of the players, or their fans, and we wish to state for the
record that we, in the front office, are a good bunch of swell folks who don't need to be sued, and who don't have any real liquid assets, or stock options. All we got is an old sofa hide-a-bed, a toaster that only browns on one side, and a dorm fridge, with, maybe like, a diet Pepsi inside.
EDITOR'S NOTE: An attachment to the Weekly Updatestated Mr. campbellson is alive and well, and has a part-time job selling gas-powered mouse traps as part of his community service and restitution payment process.
Thank you for being a Sports Supporter, Eddie Van Halen.